Being a mum in this hectic modern world is hard.
Since launching my own business, the juggle makes it hard to breathe sometimes. There's always so much to do. I run late picking my kids up from school sometimes, I forget to pack the extra things they need, I fall asleep when they read in bed, and there are some nights where I'm too tired to get my kids to even brush their teeth. And I snap at them. I snap at them a little too much sometimes. And then I feel guilty for all of it. I feel like I'm not doing enough, I'm not getting it "right" or that I'm the only one that's failing at this gig.
But it's not always like this. There are days when I feel like I'm on top of everything, things line up, I get there on time, I pack all the things, my kids love me and I feel completely connected.
My writing below was inspired by Camille Rainville's 'Be a Lady They Said'
Be a Mum They Said.
"Be a mum they said. Don't wear activewear everyday. Put in an effort. Put on some makeup. Oh she's SO dressed up. Make your hair look nice. Is that dry shampoo? Dress your age. You dress like a mum. You've lost who you are. Lose your baby weight. Don't lose too much. Exercise. Eat right. Meditate.
Spend quality time with your kids. Cook them nutritious meals. Gluten-free. No refined sugar. No processed foods. No fast food. Have you taken them to a Naturopath? They look tired. Put them to bed on time. Have you thought about supplements? Get them involved in after-school sports. They need variety. They need routine. Attend Cross-Country. Swimming Carnival. Athletics Carnival. Volunteer at their school. You need to be more involved at school. Have you thought about joining the P&F committee? Have you baked something for the bake sale? Is that store-bought? Remember their swimming stuff. Band stuff. Fund-raising money. Have you completed those forms? Permission slips? Homework every day. A book every night. Have you got a tutor?
Are you "just" a mum? So you're a stay-at-home-mum? Aren't you bored? Don't work full time. What's the point in having kids if you're not home to raise them? You need to contribute to society. Leave your mark on this world. Get a job and use your mind. You have a nanny? Why would you have kids and not raise them yourself?
You do yoga everyday? I wish I had time for that. Having kids means self-sacrifice. Put yourself first, fill your cup. Have sex with your husband. Be sexy. Do you want him to stray? Go out on date nights. Make time for each other.
Kids need discipline. Don't be too hard on your kids. Teach them the value of hard work. Don't let them work too hard. Let them be kids. Teach them kindness. Compassion. Don't let them be too weak. Teach them confidence. They have to be tough. Resilient.
Make sure your house is clean. Oh, you have a cleaner? What do you do all day? What could you honestly be so stressed about? You don't work. You need to relax more. Self-care is so important. Do something for yourself. Did you get your nails done? That's indulgent. I don't know how you have time for that."
Excuse my french - but isn't this conflicting advice so fucking confusing?! Does anyone else's head hurt thinking about this stuff and trying to please everyone? Does it keep you awake at night that you can't possibly be this perfect mother/wife/sister/daughter/friend and make everyone happy at all times? It's madness! I'm hard pressed making myself happy half the time, let alone everyone else!
Next time you see another mum in a rush, or angry, or uptight or brushing you off - just remember that you never know what's going on for someone else. They might have just received horrible news, they may have fought with their kids or husband that morning, they might not have slept properly the night before because they were up thinking about the 1,453,765 things they had to do the next day, or they just remembered they didn't call their friend back and it's been 3 days and they're feeling bad about it.
I see you. I hear you. I feel you. I love you.
Just remember to show kindness and compassion toward others, especially our sisters - the other mums.
And if you want to buy something for one of these precious humans - the Mothers Trio is a kind gift to give to another mum. X